for Solent Peoples Theatre 1999

“A brilliant comic monologue…tragi-comedy doesn’t come much better than this..” Daily Echo
“genuinely touching….top quality jokes . Four stars.” The List, Edinburgh

Sickly baby, you were. The midwife didn’t want to slap you – she thought the shock might kill you. Scrawny little thing you were. No-one ever looked in your pram and went “Aaahhh”. Women’d glance in and look at me. Like it was my fault. It was the squint put them off. Women want to ogle babies, Arthur. But the baby has to be able to look back. Both eyes. That was your father’s side – there wasn’t one of that family could look you straight in the eye.